wondering what to do...
So....I have a very close friend who has a problem.
He's in the process of losing everything of value in his life - and is standing on a certain personal precipice. His family is falling apart and he's in such a personal twister that he doesn't see (or care about) what's coming.
Despite the efforts of many to intervene on his (and his family's) behalf - he is still unable to manage his focus enough to keep things together. Since his wife and child left, things have only gotten worse. Old habits and non-communication patterns have reemerged, and the friend I once knew seems greatly diminished. Unemployed and unable to act, this is a man that needs help very quickly.
So what to do?
Many I've talked with have said that problems like his are chronic. The person who has these issues must want to recover and work hard to do so.
What if he doesn't commit?
Do you wait around and watch the train wreck...and do your best to clean up afterwards? How far to you go to help someone, before they are compelled to help themselves?
Am I my brother's keeper?
He's in the process of losing everything of value in his life - and is standing on a certain personal precipice. His family is falling apart and he's in such a personal twister that he doesn't see (or care about) what's coming.
Despite the efforts of many to intervene on his (and his family's) behalf - he is still unable to manage his focus enough to keep things together. Since his wife and child left, things have only gotten worse. Old habits and non-communication patterns have reemerged, and the friend I once knew seems greatly diminished. Unemployed and unable to act, this is a man that needs help very quickly.
So what to do?
Many I've talked with have said that problems like his are chronic. The person who has these issues must want to recover and work hard to do so.
What if he doesn't commit?
Do you wait around and watch the train wreck...and do your best to clean up afterwards? How far to you go to help someone, before they are compelled to help themselves?
Am I my brother's keeper?
5 Comments:
all i can say is, my life has been saved on a couple of occasions by someone getting in my face and simultaneously kicking my ass. do all you can -- without losing yourself in the process. do all you can, even if it doesn't seem to help.
By
Towanda, at 4:07 PM
http://www.way2hope.org/family-articles/help-addict-recover.htm
Dealing with addiction in a loved one, a family member is devastating. The person you knew is now in bed with a new lover - the drug. His actions, his words, his communication is influenced by his new best friend. This looked like a good article. At the end of the day the work is his to do. You can't make him do the work but you can love him along the way.
By
Diva, at 10:54 PM
This other blog might offer some more insight.
http://fully-caffeinated.blogspot.com/
Scroll down to 5/22/09 True Friendship. My favorite part is in the comments.
Then scroll back up to 5/30 for a part II.
Bottom line, I agree that it is your responsibility to love and pray that this person finds healing. You are NOT responsible for other's actions. You are NOT his keeper.
Love and prayers to you, my friend.
-M
By
Anonymous, at 10:52 AM
Also, dear friend, remember to care for yourself first. Have you considered Alnon for you and the family? Being in the company of those who have similar stories and challenges could be helpful.
A bit of in your face could help too, but standing by, without judgment, showering with radical love no matter what, hold him, hold him, hold him!
By
Sulia Grace, at 9:45 AM
And this too from one of my favorite theologians:
"When we honestly ask which persons in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not-knowing, not-curing, not-healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness...makes it clear that whatever happens in the external world, being present to each other is what really matters."
Henri Nouwen
By
Sulia Grace, at 10:20 AM
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