Flogging John Carpenter

* Ghosts of Mars

John Carpenter needs to flogged. Beaten straight up.

I know...I know.... He's the genius behind such genre classics as Halloween and Escape from New York. Hell, his remake of The Thing is one of my all time sci-fi favorites.

But that does not excuse the most recent downturn in quality.
Ghosts of Mars is a heap. A great festering heap.

Period.

To go into details would be a waste of time....suffice it to say that the undead of Mars are evil and angry - and happen to look a lot like refugees from Escape from L.A. (another recent JC abomination). Ice Cube and Natahsa Richardson slog through some of the most contrived dialogue written - and drown in the mindless, violent dreck that ensues.

I hate this film. On the wayword advice of a friend, I ACTUALLY PAID FIVE DOLLARS to sit for a theatrical viewing - in hopes that it would succeed in the B movie vein it was so obviously made for. Sad to say, I would enjoy the company of sharp pair of scissors in the eye - rather than endure this one again.

Time for John to hang it up - and just let Ken Russell get on with his career.

Ghost World vs. High School

* Ghost World

High hopes for this one. High hopes indeed. A story of two "indie" girls lost in the dead zone of post-high school angst? Sure, I'll buy that for a dollar. I'm still relatively close to those days.....

Right.

I dug many things about this strange little picture. I also found my guts twisting with a low grade hatred of the central character, Enid. Not that she (Thora Birch) wasn't great in the role, It's just a classic case of being confronted with teen angst (of which we have all shared) of a different generational stripe.

So......whining teens + misanthropic cast and crew =

Feh. I already went to high school - and managed to survive the years since. I don't need to see it again on screen.

Duchovny's naked ass...

* Evolution

Never rent the movie Evolution - unless you're really keen on seeing David Duchovny's naked ass pressed up against a windshield.

Yeah....and that IS the highlight of this film. No lie.

Picked that rotting heap up this past weekend....hoping for something light....and ended up with dialogue that would make Russ Meyer vomit. And acting? Hello? Fox Mulder needed to keep his day job, rather than fishing for words on the big screen. His acting is flat and unfunny to boot. Everyone else in the cast sucks equally - and should all be whipped for even looking at this script. Couldn't even bear to finish this one.

The back of the Blockbuster box said it's Ghostbusters meets Men in Black. Right.

Try Road Trip meets My Favorite Martian. Weak.